Diary of a Working Woman
Passionate, hard-working, fearless Educationalist, Psychologist and mother, Johnette Barrett talks to a selection of working women who have gone through many challenging experiences, often having to undergo many conflicting roles. Johnette unravels the secrets of being a successful woman in today’s world.
Diary of a Working Woman
Attracting the Right Partner: A Conversation with Energy & Relationship Expert Valerie A. Campbell
Have you ever felt your dating life needed a bit of a revamp? With internationally acclaimed relationship coach and author, Valerie A Campbell, we dive headfirst into the exciting world of dating and relationships. Valerie offers an in-depth exploration on the importance of feminine energy, "vibe," and its role in attracting the right partner based on her insightful book, "She's Got That Vibe." We also unpack the challenges that single women, especially those of a certain age, often face, providing ways to emit a positive vibe for a fulfilling relationship.
Secondly, we tackle the topic of masculine and feminine energies, how they interact, and their influence on relationships. We highlight common dating mistakes that may deter the opposite sex, the consequences of pursuing men, and the significance of allowing the man to lead in a relationship. Valerie guides us through a list of top 10 mistakes that women often make that turn men off and how to avoid them for a healthier and harmonious relationship.
Lastly, we turn our attention to the dynamics of modern dating and the power of the law of attraction. Valerie shares practical tips on how women can create opportunities for men to approach them, the importance of a man paying on the first date, and how to use self-confidence and authenticity to attract a partner. The conversation concludes with an insightful discussion on the balance between science and spirituality, the energy one emits, and a sneak peek into Valerie's current reading material on spirituality. Brace yourselves for a transformative journey through the maze of dating and relationships!
A new podcast in which Johnette Barrett, educational psychologist, seeks out inspirational working women who have transformed their lives and that of others through their courageousness and compassion.
The conversations that follow are sometimes eye-opening, sometimes heart- breaking and sometimes humourous.
Diary of a Working Woman (DOAWW) is hosted by Buzzsprouts .com.
Email: diaryofaworkingwoman@yahoo.com
Instagram: doaww podcast
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2227789
Hello, my name is Jonette Farrett and you're tuning in to Diary of a Working Woman or do a DOA-W-W. I am so excited. Today's guest is none other than Miss Valerie A Campbell and she is an enhanced relationship coach and a best-selling, award-winning, three times published author. Valerie Campbell has an audience of 2.3 million people across the world who tune into a weekly radio radio show called the Secret Vibe Show. Valerie has published her three books I think it was Nick Valerie three books, blind Spot, the Difference, and today we're going to be doing a deep dive into she's Got that Vibe. She's Got that Vibe and I've got it right here, ladies. So here it is. She's got that vibe run out and get it now, in advance.
Speaker 2:It's how a strong, independent woman attracts her, mr Right. So, valerie, research does show that as women get older, we're more likely to be single and that about 50% of women who are 65 and over are single, and I know a lot of younger women are single as well. And you're in the right space at the right time. So, first of all, I'm absolutely intrigued because I know your background and your background is. I know you're deeply spiritual woman. You are a Christian, you were an environmental services manager. So how in the world did you get involved in the dating and relationship industry?
Speaker 3:Oh, thank you. Thank you for having me in the show. Let me just say that I'm honoured. I'm really honoured. How do I get into this space? That's a really great question. I think, growing up, I didn't feel as if I saw a great relationship between my parents and I felt as if, wow, is this what marriage is? My dad was 20 years older than my mum and it just felt very much like you know, even though they had their different roles. I felt as if I didn't really feel love not what I would want as love in the home. In fact, it's all that I knew. So when I grew up and I went into relationships, everything that I did was wrong because I didn't have a good example of it. Yes, yes, and you know, running parallel with my career actually ended up working in an environment with men, right, and this is what I want to learn about. I want to learn about men.
Speaker 3:So I worked for over 10 years, and I was only female, and only black female at that, working with over 100 men from diverse yes, over, you know different communities.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I loved it absolutely loved it.
Speaker 3:Loved working there because initially I started as an administrator but I worked myself up to being a manager and I found they were always respectful because I was respectful of them so, even though I was their manager, it was almost as if they were my big brothers, and whenever I have my relationships, as it were, I'd go to them and say listen, look what's happened. And they say what you felt for that? Don't you really mean that? This is what he means?
Speaker 1:and I'd be like so it's almost to me.
Speaker 3:Exactly so it felt as if I was in a school and then they'd have their problems and they'd come to me and say you know, valerie, look, and you know, as a woman, what's your take on it?
Speaker 1:and I'd share my take and in doing that as well, what I would do things that they would tell me I would take back to my girlfriends.
Speaker 3:But they also had their problems. So I said okay, let me ask my boys, as I fondly called them at the time. I'll ask my boys about it, and then they'd tell me. Then I'd share it so. I just found myself, kind of like just doing that.
Speaker 2:So you just fell into it really.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I just kind of fell into it, yeah. But what was interesting? Because I was in a personal development journey at that time, very much into personal development and seminars. I'd attend them all the time and reading as well, so building up my own sense of self-esteem. And I got to really understand the dynamics between masking and feminine. Because I was the only female in the office, they used to relate to me completely different from how they would relate to my male counterparts right.
Speaker 3:So with the, with my male colleagues, there was always this kind of competitive kind of just someone do that and then they'd have that little battle as they do right whereas.
Speaker 1:I would just say softly.
Speaker 3:I'd really appreciate it if you do that and then you get your way, and then they'd be. Oh, I feel because it's you.
Speaker 3:I think you're actually just a feminine energy that you exceed yeah, and you know, some sorts of male colleagues would say, valerie, please don't ask me to do that particular job, because he knows that somehow they'll do it for me. But it was just really masking energy, kind of complimented feminine energy, and responding to feminine energy because really and truly men love masculine men, they love feminine energy and feminine energy really loves masculine energy. So, yes, I just fell into it and it was fun. Honestly, I absolutely loved working with men.
Speaker 2:Well, it's a very interesting way to weigh in to this because it's authentic and organic, because you've just evolved so in your book she's got that vibe. Go out and get it. Now the word vibe is mentioned over and over again, so could you please just explain what you mean by vibe?
Speaker 3:Okay, so she's got that vibe. Really, what I meant was she's got that vibration. There's a certain vibe that a woman can emit. It's not. It doesn't matter how pretty she is, how intelligent she is, and yet men are responding to this vibe, this energy that she's kind of exuding and it's I guess it's kind of some people might call it that. Jenna said quite, you can't quite put your finger on it how is it that he's responding to how she handles him?
Speaker 3:What is it that she has? And so, being really curious about that, I was able to kind of put it into something that could be explained, and so I called it. She's got that vibration that can help her.
Speaker 2:So you made it really tangible. You made what, on the surface, is quite abstract this sort of vibrations abstract and you've made it concrete and tangible. It's something that women can work towards creating.
Speaker 3:She doesn't feel she's got that vibe. We'll see how that unfolds and then what I do actually as an extension of the book, which is not so much in the book is. I developed a formula around vibe, which stands for vision, intention, belief and expectation, and so that's how I was able to actually synthesize the qualities and what's actually needed to then exude that vibe.
Speaker 3:Vision, intention, belief and expectation. So it's an online program I have that I walk women through. So at the end of it they're kind of like in their power and standing in their shoes and in their pads and standing in that vibe that was so exclusive to them before.
Speaker 2:So again, you just made it into something very tangible that people can work towards. You know skills that they can develop over time Brilliant, so I know what she's got that vibe. The law of attraction is one of the theories that permeates it. So the law of attraction is based on like attracting light, and it's widely appelled. I think that like attracts light.
Speaker 3:But there's also energy.
Speaker 2:Attracts light energy. However, we also know that there's another opposing belief, which says that opposites attract, and I'm thinking like Suenia Williams with her husband, alex O'Haniel, and John Legend with Chrissie Teigen. So which one of these opposing views do you think has the most weight?
Speaker 3:They're actually not opposing. They're not. They're not. Light energy attracts light energies, often misinterpreted. So when it says that light energy attracts light energy, really they should put the word more in it. So light energy attracts more of that energy. So if I'm projecting an energy of femininity, in order for me to project more of that energy I have to have someone opposite to me in my life in terms of the energy masculine energy in my life, so I can become more feminine. Right?
Speaker 2:You see, where the opposites attract Opposites. Ah, I see Feminine, masculine. That's the opposite. Yes, so they're not opposing perspectives at all. Not at all.
Speaker 3:It's like Yenon Yang yes, and they will always be a balance. So masculine, feminine energy is in each of us as individuals. Individuals, yes.
Speaker 3:So, masculine energy is not gender specific. So masculine energy, for example, is doing energy, making things happen, it is giving energy, and feminine energy is more like nurturing, receiving mysterious energy. Right, so they both balance each other out Right. And so a masculine man loves being masculine, but a feminine woman allows him to be in his masculinity. A feminine energy woman loves feeling feminine, and so she attracts the masculine to make her feel even more so you see, I do see, yes, it's interesting about the energies.
Speaker 2:I mean, I've got a personal story and my partner would often say to me when you're in the home, you're exuding a masculine energy because you're always in trousers, so he equates masculine to wearing the pants, almost. And it's about when you go out socially, you're exuding a feminine energy. So what do you think about dressing and energies and you know, and this beauty, I think if he had his way, I'd be running around the home with hot pants and mini skirts.
Speaker 3:But I don't know More like well, right, so he's just sharing with you what he likes to see, but feminine energy is an energy that, even if you were wearing trousers, you could still be exuding that energy. It's not something that is physically tangible, right? It's a quality, right?
Speaker 2:So I can still exude feminine qualities through my genes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like one of the main aspects of feminine energy is allowing the masculine to lead, right, yeah, so it could be as simple as you're in the car and you're going somewhere and you know you, let you allow him to drive, rather than saying I'm going to take the wheel, I'm going to lead. Or if a guy asks you out on a date, allow him to choose the restaurant, allow him to take the lead. You know what sort of food would you like? Whereas what some women might do is they ask them out on a date and then, all of a sudden, they take control of the reins and they're like oh there's this great restaurant.
Speaker 2:It's such a soft and did it and then all of a sudden, they're in the driving seat.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Exactly, I get that I mean.
Speaker 2:I was in an interesting situation not so long ago where I was privy to be in the space with a group of men and women and we were talking and often when men and women get together, relationships come up and one of the men posts a scenario where there's a very attractive, confident lady who pulls up outside a bar and she's driving a high class sports car and she steps out of the car, strides confidently, passes the people into the bar and she sees a man that she really liked and she makes a beeline towards the man engages in a conversation and asks him to call her in person number.
Speaker 2:Now, in that group of people, most of the men were aghast at that. Yes, they said, there's no way that I'd be comfortable with a woman coming up to me like that calling the shots. Yeah, and I thought well, how does she call in the shots? She's just been confident. Do you know what she wants?
Speaker 3:and she's going for it. Right, that is her in her masculine energy. You see, like I said, each of us has masculine, feminine energy in us. I switch or you switch when you're in your doing mood. That's when you're in your masculine energy. So the fact that she's actually taken the lead, she's in a masculine energy that will repel another masculine man. So she's repelling, she's repelling it, she's repelling it.
Speaker 2:She thinks she's going to track him with her confidence.
Speaker 3:She really wants to track a feminine man because she is in her masculine energy. Do you remember at school when we used to have the magnets?
Speaker 1:Yes, You'd have a masculine positive and negative.
Speaker 3:And you put both ends together, and what would it do? Try to push yourself apart, yeah, but you turn it around the other way and it's ooh like that. So a masculine man who wants to be in his masculine, that's not going to work for him. She's too masculine. It'd be like being with another man in a relationship. You see, I've got that.
Speaker 2:I'm not hitting you, eugen, it's so. Everything is energy, everything is real energy.
Speaker 3:It's an interplay of energy at that time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but we don't actually think about energy. When we're thinking about relationships, it's not the first thing that comes into your mind. It's like am I wearing the right shade lipstick and I've got white clothing on my head? But it's really interesting. But I'm going to pause there.
Speaker 2:We're going to have a quick break and then, when we get back, we're going to tap in to some of the research that you've done when you surveyed men on the what is it the 10 biggest mistakes that women make. Because people want to hear what these are. Because, ladies, we need to avoid the mistakes. Right, we may agree with them, we may not, but hey, we're going to have a short break and we'll come like that. Okay, so the 10 biggest mistakes that women make that turn men off. So number one pursuing men. All right, tell us more.
Speaker 3:We just kind of touched on that before the break, didn't?
Speaker 2:we, we did touch on that a bit. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:We did. We did touch on pursuing, men, yeah, yeah, I mean, look as women we like to be pursued. Let's just be real about it, right. Yeah, it makes us feel wanted, it makes us feel loved, it makes us feel appreciated. All of those, all of those good words, right? Yes, that makes you just have that feeling in your stomach.
Speaker 2:Okay, so we have. We've spoken about. So, men, do the pursuing. Yes, we don't do the pursuing, ladies.
Speaker 1:Okay, so mistake number two.
Speaker 2:You're going to like this one Sleeping on the first date Okay.
Speaker 3:Tell us more, right? So for a woman who is seeking a masculine man, in other words, she wants to be in her feminine energy Sleeping on the first date you've got to remember that masculine men are competitive creatures. So you know, like back in the day when men used to do fox hunting, right?
Speaker 3:They used to do something with them, Right, Okay, so they'd go out and it was the thrill of the chase that got them. The thrill of the chase. There was the thrill of the chase, the going, the back and the forth. It's like got her, not quite got her. That that is the feeling, it's the process.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's the process.
Speaker 3:It's the tension, it's the will I or will I not Now compare that with? Sometimes you just knock the door and say here's the fox, boom, right, the first one. They're going to take the fox and they might even get their heads stuffed. Put it on the wall pride of place, because they know the amount of time they've had to invest in it to get it. But when you sleep with a man on the first date, it's like, oh it's nice, I'll take it.
Speaker 2:I'll take it.
Speaker 3:But you've just given it to me and you've just basically given that man your deepest part of yourself, in a sense your most valuable part, and you've not even made it hard, you've not even made it difficult for him, you've not given him that pleasure of being in his masculinity to earn it.
Speaker 2:So you think men have to earn it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, men have to invest time and effort. Just like the fox, they have to invest their time and their effort. They've got to feel the sweat and the blood and the tears before yes yeah.
Speaker 2:No sleeping with men on the first date.
Speaker 3:And that's if you want a masculine man, if you want a masculine man yeah, if your content as a woman being a masculine energy, that's fine. But a lot of the women that I work with are women who are strong, independent women. They're great at work, which is fine. Because they're masculine energy yeah. But then they say why do I keep attracting effeminate type men or men who seem to be intimidated by me? It's because they don't know how to switch off from the masculine to the feminine, and the feminine is allowing the man to take the lead, allowing the man to be in his masculine energy.
Speaker 2:I mean, there's nothing wrong with women who, I guess, like to go out and like that lifestyle, but if you're looking for Mr Right, then maybe sleeping with them on the first date is a no-no.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And another thing as well I've got this video that you can find online where the queen is on her, you know, on her throne, so to speak Right, and you've got the stairs that lead and the man enjoys going up the stairs. I've got to have this saying that eggs don't chase sperm, right, eggs don't chase sperm, right, yeah, so it's just like, you know, like the queen is the egg, she's the prize, yeah, and think about, even when you think about the sperm, it's competing with all the different sperm that's just rushing to get to that egg, right, right, it's the survival of the fittest, right? So when he actually catches the egg or penetrates the egg, penetrates her world, it's like, yeah, I did that. It's a cool question, yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And there's a great video online that you can look at. That is a pictorial representation of the sperm and the egg, Gary.
Speaker 2:Atkin.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:No, Okay, All right. So the next one number three mistake. Number three is dress code to run from Okay All right?
Speaker 3:So what did your men in the survey say? So now we're talking about women who are looking for quality men, right? So imagine you're out on a date, you want to have intellectual conversation. The fact that he's actually invited you out really shows that your fans are physically attractive, but you don't want to give a man a distraction. You're sitting there with you know your breasts like just boom. Men are visual creatures. He's going to be more interested in lunch as opposed to lunch lunch, yeah.
Speaker 3:So, it's, you know, like you've got those librarian type women men are always interested in right. Very demure. Yes, why is that? Because a man can undress you with his eyes and he'd rather leave something to his imagination than is they just again like the fox yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that is part of the thrill for him. I wonder what she looked like.
Speaker 2:All right, I see, I see that.
Speaker 1:I see that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so dress code, so low tops, really short skirts on the first date.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, if you're wearing a right. Yeah, not too much skin, Not too much skin, not too much skin.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:Interesting yeah Right Moving on. So the question is do you have ex-boyfriends who you are still in contact with? Maybe you do, and so it's ex-boyfriend, or the other woman, or other women. So, yeah, go on so with that it's more.
Speaker 3:When you're on a date, a guy's invited you out. He wants to learn more about you yeah, but when you start talking about the ex-boyfriend, it's going to be more inclined to think that maybe you haven't gotten over that person. Also, when you tell your stories about the ex-boyfriend, he's judging you based on what you've said about that person. It's like he's listening. Has this person taken responsibility for their role that they played? So if you're constantly complaining that he did this and he did that, he's thinking, hmm, that's what you're going to do about me, rather than just saying you know what we grew apart.
Speaker 1:We're on different pages.
Speaker 2:Don't share too much information, don't pop on.
Speaker 3:Yes, because you're there to get to know each other.
Speaker 2:Likewise if you're there with a man and he's going on about his ex-girlfriend and that's not giving you the impression that he wants to be.
Speaker 3:Exactly that is interesting for you.
Speaker 2:So what should you do if you're in that situation where you're out on a date and you're so excited about getting to know him and then he's talking about an ex-girlfriend. So you're tactfully, you're on tactfully you're tactfully turned the subject.
Speaker 3:Well remember when you're dating, you're seeking data about that other person. So if that person is constantly talking about their ex-partner, you're just receiving data is this person actually ready to move on, especially if there's emotion that's attached to it?
Speaker 2:You see, yeah, absolutely yeah, okay.
Speaker 3:So the ex-boyfriend don't get to know and if it's unresolved, he or she's now going to be carrying the vibration of that past energy into a new relationship, especially if it ended badly and they haven't resolved it or they haven't even grown from it. So, hence they pass it over into the next relationship.
Speaker 2:So he just has to be mindful, during that conversation, that date, that you're not slipping into someone. So did this and this happened Exactly. Mistake number five not having a voice. Don't men want women who are quiet? No, Do you know what they say when they say it?
Speaker 3:No, men want women to have an opinion and to express themselves. And you know it could be as simple as you know. What sort of food do you like? Oh, you know. Would you rather I take you?
Speaker 3:to a wine bar, or would you rather we go out and, you know, go to the cinema? It's, they want women who have got their own mind. But it's how you express your own mind. Is it confrontational and hard, or is it? You know? This is me. I want you to get to know who I am in my authentic self.
Speaker 2:So the word confrontational could that be perceived as being passionate rather than being maybe more aggressive?
Speaker 3:Yeah, like there's a difference, you can tell the difference between someone who's being aggressive rather than someone who is just genuinely giving their opinion on a subject. That's welcomed. It could be a political conversation, right, but they just share their views and they feel confident to share their views.
Speaker 1:That's a fact.
Speaker 2:That's a fact, yes definitely yeah, yeah, more talking, great, ok, and we're on mistake number six wanting to be right.
Speaker 3:So, you touched on that confrontational thing again, Right? So again it's like that's being in your masculine energy. It's seeking to compete as opposed to compliment. So again, imagine you're, you know, in a restaurant and you're having this competitive conversation where you just want to have the last word and you can feel that that is what the person just wants to do.
Speaker 1:So not really seeing it all. Yeah, it's not like. It feels like a fight, it feels like a battle.
Speaker 3:So it's like well, is this, what is this what it's going to be like at home? It's a different energy. You can feel the energy of someone who's argumentative or confrontational, as opposed to someone who's just generally expressing their views and opinion. So you agree to disagree and it's so you can agree to disagree.
Speaker 2:But I was saying then that if you're in that situation where the discussion becomes a little bit heated and both sides are giving their views, that the woman should take the more submissive role and back down.
Speaker 3:No, not at all, because that's what I'm saying. She has given her views and she's given her opinion, but it's okay to disagree.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because at the same time that promotes harmony. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but some men interpret that as some men may not be happy with the fact that the woman might say, well, let's agree to disagree, because maybe the man wants to be right.
Speaker 3:Right, but the quality that the woman has to observe in the man. Remember, dating is about collecting data about that person to see if they're a right match for you and how you want to be in a relationship.
Speaker 2:Indeed Great, thank you. Best date number seven Too much. He's going to make me laugh when I'm about to say it. So you have your first date and it's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, should we be moving with?
Speaker 3:each other. Jump in the head. You know, you've got one day, you've got the second day, and the woman already thinks that she's in a relationship. Yeah, he hasn't even asked you to be exclusive, so you're already wanting to move in with them? So too much too soon means look, just be present to what you have. Let it grow organically. It's not about just what's going on in your mind. It's really happening, you know. And just because he's on a date with you doesn't mean that you're the only one that he's dating.
Speaker 1:That's so true, yeah.
Speaker 3:He could be dating other women as well, because as far as he's concerned, he's not exclusive with you. Until that conversation has been had, then, but up until that point, no.
Speaker 2:So let's say the conversation has been had.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm.
Speaker 3:That they've both decided to be in an exclusive relationship. It's not just being in a exclusive relationship.
Speaker 2:But let's say the woman wants to run a little bit faster than Amanda, so you're exclusive. But you know, let's say it's been I don't know, three months, yeah, and then the woman might say, well, do you think it's time for us now to perhaps think about moving in together? Right, okay, when is that too soon? Is that considered too?
Speaker 3:soon. That wouldn't be considered too soon because, again, she's just expressing how she feels and she should be confident enough to express how she feels. But it's then? How do you react when he says, well, he's not ready for that? Yeah, yeah, because you've both got to be on the same page?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and that's not that difficult given that you're individuals. Yes and the women are all emotioned, you know, and nobody likes rejection or just feel that. You know that a woman wants the man more than the man wants the woman.
Speaker 3:And you know that's not a good thing. I remember as well as women. We have biological clocks, so you may have a plan. Okay, I've been, this has been my career and at this age I can see myself getting married and having children, et cetera, et cetera. Now, when up again too much, too soon, it's like you've assumed that this person is the right person for you to have all of that. You've got attached to the person as opposed to your vision, but he might not be the perfect person in line with your vision.
Speaker 2:Even though it might feel like that in that moment. Yes, yeah.
Speaker 3:So it's like you're almost like delusional yeah. You're delusional.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, yeah, I've forgotten that. Yeah, so men don't like women who want too much too soon.
Speaker 1:So slow it right down.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's organic.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's organic and try to arrive at a similar decision.
Speaker 3:Yeah, have conversations and communicate. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Communication yeah All right, we're nearly there. Mistake number eight Lack of appreciation. That's a big one, that's his one. Yeah, yeah, that's a big one. So what other men say about this?
Speaker 3:Oh gosh, it's like some women, they don't show appreciation for the little things. Yeah, it could be. You know he's taking his time out to choose a nice restaurant to take you here and to not even get a thank you. Yeah, or I appreciate, or that kind of attitude of entitlement, yeah, like that's what you're supposed to do.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, yeah. Well, the entitlement one yes, and I've mentioned that because some women in the opinion that actually, those things that you're doing on little things, they're basics.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And I thank you for I don't know for picking my dry cleaning up. You know you don't have to do that. You know, go with the dry cleaning up.
Speaker 1:You're picking yours that way, but you might have to pick mine off at the same time.
Speaker 2:So yeah, those little things are easy, can be easy to overlook. I think yeah.
Speaker 3:And men just like us. As women, we like to feel appreciated. Yeah. Like men do things and I like to feel like they're doing it under obligation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they do it, they want to do it because they want to sincerely do it yeah.
Speaker 3:Because they feel obligated to do it, because you're the girlfriend or you're the wife. It has to come from the heart.
Speaker 2:Right, so show appreciation, ladies.
Speaker 3:And it could be as simple as putting, you know, a shelf up on the wall, right, yeah, yeah. And finally he puts it up straight right, yeah, no, even if he does, what if he? Even if he does it, yeah.
Speaker 2:Even if I say, if you put the shelf up, I'm gonna put the shelf up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's like darling, I really appreciate that you've done that and then when he goes out that we just like, but you know, and because he feels appreciated, you'll want to do it again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but if you it's having authentic, though. Just take that example. Yeah, the wonky, the wonky cabbie now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So you fancy for his efforts and his time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, which is great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when he walks out of the room and then you fix it. He comes out in the room and says oh, that's not how I left it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but you can still express the you know as a woman baby, honestly, I really appreciate that you did that. Just a slight adjustment, you know, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a blood-sucking effort, isn't it? Yeah, you know, parents would teach children the peace and the peace yeah. They're cute. Yeah, yeah, thank you, right. Okay, the delusional relationship.
Speaker 3:We've had to that. We took the delusional, we trusted her.
Speaker 1:We did too much. We did too much too soon.
Speaker 2:And then there's some miscellaneous ones. We're going to go through all of them. We'll say it in number 10. There's 70s, there's loads of them, but my favourite ones are Women who drink beer out of a can.
Speaker 3:Yes, I've heard of the guys that work. I mean they found that very nice.
Speaker 2:Men can't take women who are jealous. I understand that a little bit. Someone who's constantly on the phone during the date, so you're not paying attention.
Speaker 3:Someone's taking you out and your phone is constantly ringing.
Speaker 1:It's not an appreciation of the fact that that person's time You're on a date with that person, so it's rude no.
Speaker 2:I agree with that one. This one might be a contentious one.
Speaker 3:That's why they came under the miscellaneous.
Speaker 2:Because they didn't have the most intense mistakes, but for some men, they were like a dream breaker so a woman who's late for a date and is indifferent about it when she turns up, Just apologise, just accept that she's late. She's got to get ready and she's late.
Speaker 3:Again, it's that lack of appreciation, isn't it yeah?
Speaker 1:it is.
Speaker 3:It's like I've taken time to get ready and I've taken time to make sure that I'm here on time and you just stroll in because, oh, women are always late. No, not the right attitude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, no, I agree, that's not the right attitude.
Speaker 3:Again that attitude of I'm entitled to be late because I'm a woman.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and see how that would turn some men off. But talking about what turns men off Ladies. We want to know what turns men on. So the opposite of this, the opposite of what the visual and the obvious. You know, you're saying it's the opposite, but in your research and your experience, are there just a couple of things that you would say to women who are listening or watching? You know this is what makes women really love this being more like this.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think really, when a woman is, she knows who she is, yeah, and she's self-confident in herself. So therefore, when she's communicating with a man, she's coming from that authentic place. Yeah, she's not wishy-washy, she's just like that kind of regality, that kind of queen, like posture, because this is who I am. You either take it or you leave it. She's very clear about her boundaries, and her boundaries are important to her because it protects the integrity of who she is and how she wants to shop in society.
Speaker 1:You know, it's like when you go to a club, for example.
Speaker 3:You know, sometimes they've got the red carpet and they've got the rope behind right. Yes, yes, okay. So you only get onto the red carpet when the men show that they have the qualifications to get onto the red carpet. Otherwise, for her it's a red flag, because you're not kind of like going to help me to protect the integrity of who I am. So it's about keeping herself safe in her space, absolutely definitely.
Speaker 2:So standing in your own shoes, knowing who you are, being authentic to yourself, having that vision for the man that you want and knowing your role in attracting the man that you want to be.
Speaker 3:And it's really about being clear about how you want to feel in a relationship. A lot of women are clear about how they don't want to feel. But, they don't really think about how they want to feel, and that's where the law of attraction comes in. I speak about it.
Speaker 3:A lot in the book is because God's universe is run by certain laws, and one of them is what we call the law of attraction, and if a lot of women are focusing on what they don't want, that's what they're going to attract in, because the universe doesn't understand, don't not know. Yes, yes, it only understands what you put out there Absolutely. So it's like if I said you know whatever you think in your mind that's what you're going to project out outwards.
Speaker 3:Whatever you imagine in your mind, that's what's projected out into a physical manifestation of that. So if you're imagining something, all the negatives of what you don't want, that's what you're going to.
Speaker 2:So if you're constantly learning about your partner I don't like this, I don't like when he does this, I don't like when he does that Then you'll just get more of the same.
Speaker 3:Yes, because that's what you're focused on, so it doesn't? God's universe doesn't understand the word, don't not know. So if I said to you do not think of a pink elephant with blue spots Immediately. Yes, got it. Yeah, you have to form the image first, right. So it says yes to everything. So when you're complaining oh, you don't buy me flowers, you don't do this, you never do this it doesn't hear the don't and the nose of what you don't want. It just brings the image of what you've imagined and shows you exactly.
Speaker 2:So if you don't want it, you don't want it, you don't want it.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So focus on what you want and make a list of how you want to feel in a relationship. It doesn't mean that that person is going to come packaged to you in a way that you least expected. So sometimes when I'm coaching women, they might say oh, I want a tall guy who's got green eyes. Washboard abs.
Speaker 1:But then me get to the cracks of it.
Speaker 3:It's like all right that's what you say you want. But why yes, yeah? Oh, because I want to feel protected.
Speaker 2:I lost the fight for you not it's.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I feel like I want to be in his arms and I'll be able to look up to him, but essentially it's because I want to feel protected, I want to feel love in his eyes. It's always the feeling, because it's the feeling, that is the language, the emotion.
Speaker 2:And I think it's really tapped to a really important point of this, and that is, I think, when women think about the ideal person that they want to attract, they have their checklist what they want to but very rarely do they think about the feelings and how they want to feel.
Speaker 2:So it's really good to have to develop that emotions, that feeling vocabulary around relationships. So how do you want to feel in a relationship? I think often maybe, women think of the converse. You know how they know how they don't want to feel. They don't want to feel that. You know that they're not valued, that they're not attractive enough, that they're not intelligent enough. You know that they're just there to just do whatever the man wants. They know what they don't want, but the feelings that they need to perhaps generate to say how they do want to feel, that probably doesn't get as much airtime.
Speaker 3:And that is exactly what they need to focus on, because every time you focus on something, there's a feeling behind it. If you're just uninspiring of all the things, you don't look at what you're actually projecting at energetically, and then what's going to be reflected back at you? It's like a giant photocopy machine. It's like, oh, this is what you're projecting.
Speaker 1:Here you go. Here's more of that feeling, the light energy of chance that energy.
Speaker 2:Here's more of that feeling that you're projecting. It's beautiful thought.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but think about oh, do you know what I love to feel great in a man's arms. I can see myself feeling really happy. We're walking along on the beach, I feel so safe with this person, and then maybe you might even consider your past relationships and, well, what did you actually like about him and this person and that person? Yeah, and when you focus on that, that's the energy you're projecting and then that's what's going to be reflected back at you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I suppose before your relationships there'll be something that you like about that person. Oh yeah, don't worry yeah that's what we wanted to do in the first place. So, yeah, to think about all of those, put them together, yeah, okay. All right Now, valerie a few viewers have been asked me if I could ask some questions, put some questions to you with your dating energy relationship hat on, and I'm just going to ask someone if that's okay.
Speaker 2:So, first of all, this lady would like to know how do you know if a man is interested? Now the listeners. She just go on to state that she thinks that she's been on a number of dating apps and she thinks that men have got lazy and that, you know, they're not willing to make phone calls to suggest dates and that they don't really put the effort in. So should a man? Is it okay for a woman to I don't know what you're going to say to take the lead there, because if it's perceived that the man's been lazy, then, you should be more than likely to be lazy Right Now.
Speaker 3:The thing is it's about women actually do take the lead, but they can do it in a very subtle way where it doesn't feel to the man as if they've taken a lead. So again, back in the day, a woman might drop the handkerchief. The guy genuinely thinks that she's dropped a handkerchief, but she knows why she's dropped it in front of him in particular, right. So when you reach out to somebody, it has to be in a subtle way or you know, if you're out on a date Not on a date, sorry You're out with your girlfriends.
Speaker 3:Yeah, maybe there's a guy across the room that you notice that you like you don't stay with the girls. You're gonna create an opening for him to get to you so you might Separate yourself in the pack, go up to the bar, you maybe you order a drink. If he likes, he's gonna walk across because that's the opening that he's waiting for. So you can actually translate this same kind of these actions online. You can reach out to someone, some somebody, and, of course, express your interest, but then it's for that person. If you want to stay in your feminine, you want to know that that man is really interested in you allow him to now take the lead.
Speaker 2:So so if he doesn't take the lead, you should infer, perhaps, that he's not interested.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they should take, you should take the lead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Thank you. This is if you want to see, if you're looking for a massive yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let him take the lead yes.
Speaker 2:Second question Is it all fashioned to expect a man to pay for For for your meal on your first date?
Speaker 3:Is it all that old? Not at all. I Think it's very important for man to pay For the meal on the first day. First of all, who's who's invited here? If a man has invited you on a date, that means that he ought to have the mindset then that I'm going to, I'm going to pay, right, yeah, yeah. So if you're on a date and you notice that he's wanting to pay Dutch, what does that speak about his masculinity? Well, what does that speak about his, his Providing?
Speaker 2:yeah, energy. So you say no, no to many say let's go Dutch. Yeah, it's a bit, yeah, it's not about, about that you.
Speaker 3:It's not about the fact that you can pay for half of the meal. You want to see this. The essence of this man. Is this a man a provider have? Does he have a provider mentality? If I'm gonna have a make, a family, I'm looking for a man that I can have a family with and relationship with and go on to get married. That's, that's the first clue, isn't it? Is he prepared to put his hand in his pocket to provide? Because that's one of the main Attracted qualities of a masculine man.
Speaker 2:So today would you say that some man who do put their hand in the pocket for sure that first date will pay With expectation that they're going to get something in return and then if they don't get what they want you know what they want in return, then there may be more less likely, less likely, to then follow up. If they don't get what, I'm gonna buy this lovely meal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's cost me 100 pounds and you know, to show your appreciation. Okay, now this listener said her brother insist that the reason why she's still single after many years and just out, you know, opportunities to our partners is Because she likes to go clubbing, and men perceive women who go clubbing a lot negatively.
Speaker 3:This has this? This has come up and you see, if she's looking for a quality man, think about again what does she want in a relationship? That she want a man who's hard-working. That she want a man who's got that provider in State. That she want that man who's got perhaps got a five-year plan. Has he got? So where are you going?
Speaker 1:to find.
Speaker 3:The type of man that you're looking for? Is she looking for them in the club? You see, it's like as you mature in life, yeah, you're not going to find yourself going to club every single Week weekend now. Maybe you did that when you were younger, but as you're getting older and you probably want to settle down and You're not gonna look, you're not gonna find the type of man that you say you want necessarily in a club every single week.
Speaker 2:No, I mean I'm sure he's exaggerating the point. The point is making it Women who regularly go out to club, single women I'm not talking about women who are and deflation sheets, but single women who regularly go out to clubs give men the wrong impression that they're always there.
Speaker 3:Especially, they see their faces there all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so they're there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because of that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, they see them there all the time. So it's like what's going on? Yeah, men like men, like uniqueness, they like their women to stand out, you know, like, for example, you might have a room. Why do you think that men like, for example, redheads? Because they, because they stand out they want this, the woman to have something unique. Oh, I've not really seen you here Often. You know, men love that mysteriousness about women, but when you're just yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Got next one.
Speaker 2:We've covered this one. When is it too early to sleep with a man? Oh no, we haven't covered it entirely. The other question was about sleeping on the first day. This person wants to know when is it too early to sleep with a man, and is that link with the respect that he will have for you later on? So you just met someone, mm-hmm, it's an optimum time when you should be prepared to be intimate right.
Speaker 3:Well, there is an optimum time per se. But again, I refer to the diagram with the queen right and the man is investing time and effort to get to know her. Whilst he's in that process of actually pursuing her, he's forming an emotional attachment. Yeah, that is the key thing is forming an emotional attachment. So when you're both emotionally attached to each other, then so I can't put a timeline on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you can't say the number of days a week, so months, yeah, it's when it's right for you in that relationship.
Speaker 3:Yes, you see, when a woman sleeps with a man, she's more likely to get bonded to him. Okay, she secretes the same hormone that when she breastfeeds a baby, that and Connects them, keeps it next to her and the baby together, she will bond with him, whereas a man can just pick up himself and walk off. Yeah, but if he's emotionally attached to the woman before he actually sleeps with her, he's not going to do that. You see, You'll just be able to hit the target, so to speak, and walk away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so give it time, yeah, yeah, if you want to build that emotion. Get to know each other, become friends, get to know each other and with the man if he starts putting pressure onto you know that's the red flag.
Speaker 3:That's the red flag. That's definitely a red flag.
Speaker 2:So if a man starts putting pressure on you, I mean to make before you are ready, yeah, before you feel that you are emotionally attached and maybe he's not the right man for you. It's not your mr Right, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3:It's like imagine just use the train as an analogy A man who might take you to out. Then he takes you out again, and then he takes you out again, and usually by the third day. That's usually probably where he usually has sex, right. But then when on the fourth day it doesn't happen, he now starts thinking hold on a minute, usually by day three. This happened Something a bit different.
Speaker 1:Hey, hold on a minute. How come she hasn't did it?
Speaker 3:So now he's left in a world where he's thinking about her and as he's thinking about her, he's becoming more emotionally attached, because yeah, yeah, we're supposed to get off a Liverpool Street station, but this hasn't happened.
Speaker 1:Now we're like a few stops ahead.
Speaker 3:And so the more time that's invested, more time and effort and especially mind thinking, where he has to think about you and come up with creative solutions and To now get you. You see, he's now sees the value in you because that's what he's had to invest.
Speaker 2:All about it's about value, isn't it? The man has to value, he has to value. There has to be some value to it.
Speaker 3:Yeah and that comes from all the effort and the time that he's put in. If he hasn't put in any value, how can he value? Yeah, it's been working. Yeah, there's no work that he can put, that you can put on you.
Speaker 2:So, ladies, yeah, just don't um, yeah, don't sleep with them too soon. They see yeah yeah, okay, yeah, okay. So I think I think, oh, there was one more question before we close, and it's mmm. Our friends more important than your partner, best bested girlfriends that you've had before you've met your partner mm-hmm I. Is it a competition? It shouldn't be a competition. It should never be a competition. Which ones are more important? These persons are not.
Speaker 3:But that's it. It should never be a competition. When you get married, in essence you become one flesh. Yeah, you're tied to one another, so your friends should be able to appreciate that. So there should never be any that tension or friction.
Speaker 2:No, not at all yeah. So not one of them is more important than the other. So on the back of that question, then, I know of some men who I think may be a little bit controlling. When they've got their partner that they're happy with. They want that woman, they want her to let go of her girlfriends. You know, they're just like you, don't need the girlfriends anymore.
Speaker 3:But it's also the other way round, isn't it? It's also the other way round, yeah. So, again, it's about communication, understanding the dynamics of the marriage, because you get together and now the marriage is the entity in itself, isn't it? So, you want to promote a harmonious relationship in which you're going to have children and they're going to grow in that harmonious relationship. That's your priority.
Speaker 2:It's your priority, yeah, but should it be the expense of your friends, your female friends? If your man says right, I don't want you having Because it happens a lot.
Speaker 3:It happens to a lot of things that you consider, isn't it?
Speaker 2:But you might not know that that aspect of that person's behaviour may not manifest until maybe you're married and then all of a sudden the possessive kicks in and it's like you're married, now you don't need your friends anymore.
Speaker 1:It happens over and over again.
Speaker 2:And then the woman, you know, it doesn't have to even get married. They're formed a relationship. They've been with each other for a year or so, still quite new. And the woman then just say they just don't really communicate so much with their family because now their life is all about their partner. Their priority is to be in the marriage and then when things go a little bit wayward or there's tension, then the woman can potentially feel isolated because she no longer has that support.
Speaker 3:So about keeping that balance, yeah keeping that balance.
Speaker 2:I think so. I think it's healthy to have this thing said.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's good, it's good. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2:Well, Val, I'm just looking at the time. It's been absolutely wonderful just to spend this time with you today, Like what? Talking about relationships. You know, I'm sure we're going to meet again Talking about another, definitely Our relationships.
Speaker 2:I'm sure you know the audience out there are going to find you really engaging and like a lot of the things you're saying about energy and emotion, some of these things that maybe a little bit abstract, we don't think about on a day-to-day basis, especially in the context of dating and relationships. So yeah, but where to? Now for Mr Valerie A?
Speaker 1:Camber what's your next?
Speaker 3:steps. Well, I'm actually in the process of creating it's going to be a YouTube channel and we're going to have to do events. It's called the Ladies' Lounge. The Ladies' Lounge.
Speaker 2:You heard it in the first year. Yeah, you heard it first year.
Speaker 3:And there's three of us, so I'll be focusing on the dating and the energy and the spirituality and the self-development aspect of women, but we'll also be talking about business and finance. Multiple streams of income Sounds good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, that sounds good. So look out for the Ladies' Lounge coming soon. Sounds really interesting.
Speaker 3:I feel there's another book in me. Yeah, I think that's going to be more deeply on the spiritual side of things.
Speaker 2:I think it's good to reach your audience in different media, different forms of media, isn't it Because you've got the books in there? Some people don't read. Even with podcasts, some people don't like to listen. That's yours, so something for everyone and I think, maybe for your Ladies' Lounge. What format will that be?
Speaker 3:Oh, we're going to have live events.
Speaker 2:Live events, good for some people like to be in the room.
Speaker 3:Yes, I'll do with the person. So we're looking to have an event in February where we're going to have a panel of men and women can ask some questions. All right, sounds good. Let's do it for your Ladies' Lounge.
Speaker 2:Ladies, you know what to do. You know now what women don't like. There are mistakes that women make, so you may have your own thoughts on what you've heard today. Get yourself together. I will promote on the podcast when this event will be taking place and I'm definitely going to be there in the front row taking notes, for sure, even though I'm in a relationship. But you can never know too much, can you? And the energy and all the rest of it. So that's great.
Speaker 2:So I'd like to end my podcast by asking the guests just a question about either what you're listening to at the moment music-wise or podcast-wise, or a book that's got you engaged in.
Speaker 3:Oh and I'm always reading books around spirituality, always, and the last book that I read in fact it's gone into another book is by Neville Goddard and again it's deeply about the law of attraction, spirituality, and really that has been the essence of everything that I do. You know, sometimes we think that science is opposing with the spiritual aspect of things, but they're actually complementary. So that's, why you know, I always hear you speak about energy. Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:So, is it not? Do you find that all this knowledge that you've got about relationships and energy and being able to read people's energy to them and the men that. I've even found it to be off-putting to certain men who might be considering building up a curriculum for a date?
Speaker 3:No, I don't think so, not for the right person.
Speaker 2:No, Not for the right man, Not for the right person. No, he embraces it. Inverting yeah, I've heard that knowledge for teas and femininity that I thought about don't know. All right, okay, well, listen, thank you so? Much and, yeah, I hope to see you again soon. So just again. So just to promote, promote, promote. Here we are, she's got that vibe, she's got that vibe, she has got that vibe. And it's how a strong, independent woman attracts her misderight. Okay, thank you for tuning in.